Is Monday the new Friday?

With the lights flashing, the music playing and the jostling of other revellers intent on showing their mastery of the rhythm, it is easy to forget how drunk you are. As your friends become your best mates ever, you slur lovingly into each other's ears and all is well with the world. Even on a Monday.

However, it all took a turn for the seedy when, stumbling onto the train, I spotted my sister's neighbour nestled into the carriage. A quick look around proved fruitless as he had already seen me. Fixing a smile to my face, I lumbered over and collapsed into the seat next to him, a bundle of alcohol and cigarette fumes- other people's not mine, though the alcohol was mine, to be fair.

Incomprehensible words slipped from my lips and into his ear. Worse, our train was cancelled and we would have to swap onto a bus at Barking. At least this guy could stop me from falling asleep and missing my stop like last week. Worse still, all that lovely 'pound a pint' lager was beginning to make itself known. The need became increasingly urgent and even my incessant rambling became difficult to maintain as my bladder was seemingly crushing my brain.

Penny's neighbour seems like a respectable man and I was mortified at dashing off to duck behind a bush when the bus finally released us into Purfleet. But I quite literally had no choice. He kept a discreet distance and we resumed our conversation until we reached our front doors. What we spoke about is beyond my recall.

Lessons learnt? Just because the beer is cheap it doesn't mean that you have to drink twice as much.

Maybe ;)